you are mistaken, my friend: you are indeed a king.

"see, it's people like you that make me believe in real love.
you get shit and shit and shit and shit and here you are,
lovin' again,
resilient as hell.
everytime i see that smile, i feel like a king just for knowing you.
you've been beaten, but you're not broke.
i see no pain in that smile of yours and i believe you,
i can't believe the shit you've gotten through but when you say that you're happy i believe it.
no one can really believe anything they're told,
but man oh man,
i could love you."

you told me this sitting on a beach so late at night that it was early,
but i admire you as a person in every way a person could be admired.
i think you might know this but i would never say it out loud.

i lost my journal so i'm posting fragments

 thank you for every time you ever fell in love.
it changed everything.

try me at two in the morning and maybe i'll do better
you know, only one person ever reads this blog.
i can't decide if i'd like to know who you are.

_____

honor among thieves is thicker than blood
that drips on her as she sleeps like she's in a coffin.

we're falling asleep at eight in the morning
i'll kiss every one of your ribs then i'll break them.

introvert

1. I've been sitting on my back porch watching the rain for an hour,
    red tea sweeter than any perfume.
    There are others home, but they're not listening,
    not looking up, not watching me.
    Glued to their screens like i'm glued to the sky,
    the clouds, rather, and i hear thunder.
    It takes me a very long time to realize i'm cold.


2. The windows behind me are dark but for the grayday light
    and the dim lights in the kitchen,
    where the dog sleeps on the wooden floor.
    Sometimes i want to live where it rains all day,
    where i can see nothing but trees, and the air is clean.
    Sometimes,
    but that's not where i am.
    The rain has let up and i go sit in my kitchen, alone and i write.

(it's been hard for me to write lately)

the coldest days are over.

the air was cool today,
not biting but smooth,
the kind of cold that makes you feel dreamy
in a bus with all the windows open
with your feet dangling and your eyes closed.

it's not uncomfortable but it's not spring yet either,
but we made it through the difficult days,
we made it past december.
i don't think you even know i'm watching you.

i want it to be the kind of air you can sleep in
outside on a blanket, in a tank top is all.
you will sleep like you've never slept before
in real real air. in oxygen.

and the clouds make it cool blue
as i fade in and out of dreamland
and our elbows touch sometimes
but i'm asleep

when i can't feel the weather anymore,
that's when i'll really smile.