Sunday, November 29, 2009

Pure white light

"You know, I never could have parted with you, sweetheart, if time and space were real. Or even, for me, if they seemed real.

Sometimes I don't know how you do it.

Guess I just wanted you to know how I feel, and to remind you that they're not real.

Happily for me, darling, you are still here, and it's as if you're still gently swinging in that big, tree swing you're so fond of. Barefoot toes reaching for the sky through dappled shade one moment, then tucked beneath you the next, as I stand ever-ready to give you the occasional push, whenever you holler out, 'higher.'"

     The Universe

i'll go as far as these crooked legs take me.

never underestimate the power of positive thinking.

If you want to take charge of your life, you will. Do whatever you need to do, don't procrastinate, don't make excuses...anyone can make babysteps. Anyone can move a mountain over time.

I'll just keep telling myself that...



Society, you're a crazy breed.
I hope you're not lonely, without me.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

uncovering old diaries.

You kill me everyday
Hurt me over and over
Until I am falling water
Down through the sky,
Slicing it to pieces. 

I wrote that about my best friend in seventh grade.

The Purple Bottle - Animal Collective

Keep an open mind.

I've got a bigbigbigbig heartbeat, yeah
I think you are the sweetest thing
I wear a coat of feelings and they are loud
I've been having good days
Think we are the right age
To start our own peculiar ways
With good friendly homes?

You get me freaked freaked freaked on preakness
Never met a girl that likes to drink with horses
Knows her chinese ballet
Must admit you smell like fruity nuts and good grains
When you show my purple gaze
A thing or two at night.

Make me sick sick sick to kiss you and I think that I would vomit
But I'll do that on Mondays I don't have a work way
I like it when I bump you an accident's a truth gate
I'm humbled in your pretty lense
I'll hold you don't you go
Sometimes you're quiet and sometimes I'm quiet. Hallelujah!
Sometimes I'm talkative and sometimes you're not talkative, I know....

Well I'd like to spread your perfume around the old apartment
Could we live together and agree on the same wares?
A trapeze is a bird cage even if its empty and defintintely fits the room
And we would too.

And my dear dear dear khalana
I talk too much about you
Their ears are getting tired of me singing all the night through
Lets just talk together
You and me and me and you
And if theres nothing much to say
Well, silence is a bore

Sometimes you're quiet and sometimes I'm quiet, hallelujah
Sometimes I'm talkative and sometimes you're not talkative i know....
Sometimes you hear me when others they can't hear me. Hallelujah!
Sometimes I'm naked and thank god Sometimes you're naked. Well, hello.....

Can I tell you that you are the purple in me?
Can I call you just to hear you, would you care?
When I saw you put your purple finger on me
There's a feelin' in your bottle
Found your bottle, found your heart
Gives a feeling from your bottled little part

Gotta crush high
Thought I crushed all I could
Crushed all I can then I touched your hand
Crush high
Dont want it to stop
Cause stories of your brother make my crush high pop
And you couldnt really know cause its in my toes
And sometimes I wonder whered that crush high go
Crush high then I go and take some pills
Cause I cant do all of my dos and still feel ill
You get that whoooooo.

To everyone their own.

Infinitely kind. All-knowing. All-loving. Distant as the furthest mote of dust in space, yet as near as the beating of your heart. Here and there, before and after, always and forever.

And whensoever you should call unto it, it answers you by name. 

Love, you couldn't be more important.

I mean it,
    The Universe

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Lessons learned in unexpected places are often the ones you remember.

"Well, that's the end of the film. Now, here's the meaning of life: Well, it's nothing very special. Uh, try and be nice to people, avoid eating fat, read a good book every now and then, get some walking in, and try and live together in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations." - Monty Python

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Honey and Blood.

Starshine, moonshine
Salty and deep,
Honey and blood,
Sharp and sweet.

Dark, sleepy blue
Monsters play with my toes
Pulling me under
Painting cracks in the sky.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

All you need.

Coldwater Eyes

Don't think that your sneaking around will go unnoticed -- you will almost always get caught. If it doesn't hurt you it will hurt someone else, it will always hurt someone else. Flash through the emotions you find when you run into something you were never ever meant to see, there's a lot, and it's too much to handle. It just turns into hurt. I know they say you're a heartbreaker but hear me out, honey--it will always hurt someone else.

Hear me out.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

The Meantime Boy.

He enters your living room without hesitation because he knows he’s always welcome there. You can never completely get angry with him because you’ll forgive him anyway (why expend the energy on that?) There’s no real pressure to look good for him, or to domesticate yourself, because hell, he probably cooks better than you do. you don’t get disappointed when he doesn’t open the door for you, or perform any of the perfunctory genteel mannerisms frequently assigned to a “gentleman” (ergo, a prospect). if he sees you as a buddy, then you really don’t quite see him as a “man”… much more the “gentle” kind.

But that doesn’t mean these signs of breeding are alien to him (it’s just that around you, he can slip up and live to see the next day). More often than not, he’s one of those dudes on top of the food chain. Why else wouldn’t you mind having him confused as a boyfriend? And the mere fact that he doesn’t mind (well, not really) being seen with you says he sees you being in that level too - especially if he has to contend with the are-you-guys-together interrogation as well.

And admit it, the pestering questions from well-meaning people are well-founded. You’ve both acquired the mannerisms of an old couple - there are no awkward silences, no trite comments, no hesitations. Physical intimacy can stretch from holding hands to cross the street to a prolonged embrace when one of you feels bad. It’s true, you’re around each other when life’s vicissitudes erupt. He’ll be the first person at your doorstep, maybe even getting there before you do, because you told him you were just fine (wonderful, could’t be better) - and he recognized the devastation in your voice . And you, you don’t even need to say how proud you are of him (how awkward can that be!)- you knew, you believed in him way before he did.

Where your relationship is is where other couple’s relationships should be - given fifteen years or so. Only you’ve had this chemistry too soon, way before either one of you will ever recognize just how irreplaceable it is. It was never the result of time, negotiation or compromise. It’s just one of those things that came too easily, so naturally it’s laughable to call it precious (it’s so many other things - just NOT that word). It’s like telling a piano prodigy to practice when he can play Mozart’s Symphony in E Minor after one listening. Just plain absurd.

But admit it, being around this Meantime Boy has given you an inkling of what it would feel like to be with The One. What you feel when you’re with him - how secure, how profound or how silly you both can be - these are the stuff you need in lifelong commitments! Think about it. He’s probably seen you sweat it out on the track (thus disproving the myth that girls don’t sweat), just as much as you’ve seen him develop one too many love handles. Not even for charity will you ever HAVE TO take it easy on him in the court. He’s had one too many fashion faux pas for his own good, mispronounced so many words you’ve lost count and he probably farts in front of you. On the other hand, he’s seen you have bed head, trip on your feet, and cry like a baby when John Kofi gets the chair. Almost perfect, isn’t it? Just add mad, incredible passion (the one missing ingredient) to this comfortable stew and you’ve got something so rare it will leave you breathless.

So the truth is Meantime Girl, there is a reason for this meantime-ness… and you better have the good sense to know it’s not to wait for him to snap out of his immaturity (or for you to make the first move-neva!). He’s your Meantime Boy because you need to learn from him what truly enabling relationships are - and not to confuse that with those that are disgustingly constricting. He’s around because you need to recognize the primacy of friendship (that’s why FRIEND is the bigger word in GIRLFRIEND). He’s there because you need to believe that you can be seen as a thinking human being - and not the commodity so closely associated with your gender.

The Meantime Boy grants you the liberty to love - because while he is an accommodating recipient of your affections, he silently gives way when someone else steps into your life. He gives you THAT look, the don’t-you-dare-fall-in-love-with-me Care Bear Stare whenever your get your ends all mixed up. Don’t despair and take heed: his very indifference is his gift to you.

By being oblivious to your adoration, he sets you free to be someone else’s forever. And when this man, this god, finally arrives to sweep you off your feet, he’ll marvel at the perfect jewel you are: how you never begrudge Sunday Night Football, how you confidently possess your own mind and project the very essence of graciousness. And why wouldn’t you be? You’ve had years of practice.


Sunday, November 8, 2009

this is a bad day from the eyes of the stars.

your eyes light up like stars in the city
it's beautiful 'til you realize it's just paint across a wall.
the stars are majestic like nothing else you've ever seen.
but you can't see them here.

there's just something about you that i need everyone to see.

Sleep Well

In through your window, the sky will fall;
You'll trap the stars in jars and line them along your walls. 

As the moonlight fills the veins beneath your skin,
You'll hear us knocking, oh, but you won't let us in.

Because you've got no friends,
And you've got no heartbeat.
Your insides are rotten now,
So there's nothing to fix.

You called me out; I shrugged you off.
I don't have the time to watch you bash in all their skulls.
'cause there's a new boss in town, his heart is black, but his hands can reach through anything.
Stick your head in the ground. You might just dodge the guns.

But I'm not your friend.
And I will not fix you.
My insides are hollow now
So you're all on your own.

Monsters - Electric President.
Amy Sol.