dawn breaks

lights, lights, lights
color, noise, people
runny smoke & carnival music

people, children, sad stories
a grandfather, drunken teenagers
tired mothers, tired children

beneath it, underneath it all
there is a love story.

it's his 6th birthday and he sees a little girl across the way,
through the throngs of smoking twenty-somethings and used car salesmen she sees him too.
she has curly hair and he likes it, he takes a few steps into the stream of dirty people.
but he is four feet tall and lost, soon he can't see her anymore.

he turns around and he is lost.
the rest of his life, he will stay lost.

light, light, light
dawn breaks.

the little girl waves goodbye, but he doesn't see.

Blood Red Roses,

Moonshine valentine.

I'm sitting in the back of a movie theater watching everyone fall in love,
The people in the seats in front of me, i mean,
And oh, it's such good acting.

I mean, I cry too

Even when the salt dries tight on my skin,
and i haven't slept in almost three days,
and gravity is suddenly worse than the weight of the world.

I only have four sleeping pills left.
Lay down with me.

You're a magician, and i can see the stars.
It's dark but the blue light of the sky is making your eyes shine,
my face shine.
It's cold but it's pretty when i can see my breath, i think.

I mean, that's how i'd like it to be,
but i'm just on my bedroom floor with a headache,
and you're at work where i can't talk to you.
I guess i'll just take off my jacket and drag myself to bed,
and i'll lay in a haze until my phone rings at 2:12 in the morning, and you,
you'll sing me to sleep.

12:29

i'm sitting in the corner of my bedroom underneath my desk, staring at my hands and it's uncomfortable.

"don't look at me like that."
inhale.
"like what?"
exhale.
"like you love me or something."
inhale. exhale. inhale.
"i do."
exhale.
silence.

i could write a book about you

/////

The blood that pumps through your veins is ice.

you can barely stand it yourself,
but your sunshine smile comes
and thaws your lungs.

sitting in the sunlight
eating plastic fruit
i guess this is youth
"i told you so." (your trademark line)

i'm so stubborn i have to laugh at myself.
you laugh too,
and your hands are warm.

Swallow

loudly.

awkward sounds and glances is all this is
i wish i had something to read.
stop looking at me, i'm new here.
i don't think i really like you, either.

but then some kid in the corner who's face i can't see is engrossed in his fingernails also, and i like him already
because he is not watching me, at least yet, and i guess from now on he'll be chronicled.

maybe all i'll want is you watching me...
say all i'll want five times fast.

you stare, but you smile.

9:47

I hate you.

you come back at me
over and over like
one of those horrid clown figures
up and up and up

I don't love you,
but something tells me if i did you would leave me alone.

I don't love you.
Someone tell me what i'm doing wrong

Something about goldfish

Last week my young cousin went to a carnival and returned with three goldfish. She loved them. She stayed up all night staring at them in their little glass vase because no one could find a clear bowl, and named them Appetizer, Entree, and Dessert, like small kids do.They died in order.

9:26

I used to be an insomniac, too.

I love watching when you walk into a room.

Sometimes when it's cold and crisp and clear outside, and i'm laying in my front yard drinking orange juice from a coffee mug with painted suns on it, I start thinking about that time when you walked across a flimsy wooden board to get to my bedroom window at midnight so you could calm me down after i'd been crying over spilled milk like i do, and i smile with all my teeth.

Anthem

Friday night became so lonely,
When you came to make a break,
That seemed to take all day to make me angry

'cause I like you, maybe I'm just like you
Holding on to something that we know we can not hold or fold

It seems it seems we just can't forget
Are you frightened, by perfection?
Is this who you are, not who you want to be?

I walk the line like Johnny Cash
I made the bus in seconds flat
I called your line too many times
I'm not obsessed, just impolite.

Sunday came and went so quickly
Now you say you want me back
You will hold on, despite my cons,
It seems we're meant to hate it,

Being so dependent.
But it seems we can believe that we're two peas in this pod
we call New York, gets so lonesome.
Are you frightened, by neglection?
Am I who you want to see yourself to be?

I walk the line like Johnny Cash
I made the bus in seconds flat
I called your line too many times
I'm not obsessed, just impolite

You're stuck on me, you don't know why
Can't leave me anytime you try
They say that everybody cries
So don't think twice 'cause it's alright.

Stay here,
Touching you, touching the light in your eyes
That keeps coming back.

My, my, my.

If I could laugh, cry, sleep, scream, and think rationally all at once, I would, and no one would ever see me again.

It's always ten degrees colder in my bedroom than in the rest of this fucking house and that makes me so mad sometimes,

just like how I wake up to the sunrise at 6AM when everything's glowing orange and it's beautiful, and I blink a few times and fall back asleep.

bittersweet cardboard love

i'm in pieces, but whatever, right?

I rant and I cry and then I try and make it up to you,

It's all I ever do, and I really never meant it anyways.

But usually I'm laughing and I'd like to keep it that way,

The sore cheeks and tummyache kind of smiles,

Hour after hour after hour, because of you.

I'm the queen of run on sentences and I love it, and I hate capitalizing the letter i and usually I don't but it's way too late to worry about that kind of stuff.

I'm actually very sure that you should be laying/lying sleeping next to me and I should be sleeping too, but you're not, so I'm going to go paint space and shake from the cold because I won't put a sweater on, because you keep telling me I should.

Sometimes things just aren't meant to flow and tonight is one of those nights.