Monday, October 19, 2009

I don't understand.

I don't understand how you can sit there, just sit there, and not fall in love with this.
I am in love with this.

Who are you?

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Anthems For a Seventeen Year-Old Girl

Used to be one of the rotten ones, and i liked you for that.
Now you're all gone got your make-up on and you're not coming back. Can't you Come back?
Used to be one of the rotten ones and I liked you for that
Now you're all gone got your make-up on and you're not coming back.

Bleaching your teeth, smiling flash, talking trash, under your breath.
Bleaching your teeth, smiling flash, talking trash, under my window.

Park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me.
Park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me.
Park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me.

Park that car, drop that phone.
Dream about me.

Used to be one of the rotten ones and I liked you for that
Now you're all gone got your make-up on and you're not coming back.

Broken Social Scene.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Promise me she's not your world.

I'm the kind of person that builds a wall high and strong around myself, a wall you can't jump - I know what I believe in, i am fierce, I will not take your shit and I will not let you walk on me. There's a few cracks, but it will take a lot to knock this wall down. I'm proud of that. But we all have our faults...the wall that surrounds me, it has a window. And sometimes I leave it unlocked, a little too easy to get in...cause once you're in, you can destroy me from the inside out.

Once you sweet talk your way in through that little hole, once I open up to you and you're open to me, maybe I'll love you. I'll love you, and you'll love me...We'll sit and look out that window at the stars. But one thing here, the crucial thing: as long as I love you, you can destroy me. You can rip me to peices, drive me insane, kill me, kill me kill me. As long as I love you, you're in. But when you love me...I can do the same to you. But I won't.

That's the glory of true love. It's not kisses and hearts and happily ever afters Cinderella-style; it's the ability to completely destroy eachother. And having that ability, and not abusing it, and trusting the other person to keep you whole; please put that back where you found it you can look but don't touch don't get the window half stuck shut; it's that mutual, horrible power.

At least to me. I'm not sure what the moral of this story is. 

a⋅nal⋅o⋅gy [uh-nal-uh-jee]
a comparison of two things, one familiar, one less known, used to make the less known thing more understandable.

Saturday, October 10, 2009


the world is so dull in some places, so extraordinary in others--it just depends where you look.
i'm stuck in a gray spot, but one day i will be exactly where i want to be and exactly how i want to be, because who says i can't?
a lot of people, i bet.
that will not stop me.
i'm sure i'm not the only one.

I don't know who i am, but neither does anyone else.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Said list: Part I.

1. When someone walks out the door, you have to let them go. I've learned you can't change anyone's mind about this; you have to let them work it out in their own mind, let them get it, run it through again and again and again. This is their own problem, their decision to work out; chase them, they'll run faster. If you wait, you'll get tired. Leave the door open, and you'll get cold. I've learned that you just can't hurt yourself trying to fix someone else - you won't last long.

2. Do good, and people will talk. Do bad, and people will talk. They always will. And no matter what you do, there will be people that don't get it. There will always be people who say biased things, untrue things-even the ones you were closest to, the ones that you thought knew you so well. 98% of the time, these people will have either never med you, or are people from your past. The opinions of people you never med don't matter; that's a given, no matter if it's a child or the world. Those who are in your past...well, there's a reason for that. Talking just enforces  they should stay there.

3. You are only as good as your word. So is everyone else. I myself am a fan of "words will never hurt me." When used correctly, words are extremely powerful. If used correctly, words can destroy a person. Used incorrectly, words can make you look like an idiot. Think about this, and always think before you speak; words can get you anywhere you want-or dread-to be.

4. Know the difference between inspiration and immitation. Cross the line, and you can lose a lot - yourself included. Draw a think dark line in your mind and don't you dare step over it - catch yourself.

5. Put yourself before everyone, and put everyone before you. Help out the kid who dropped his books, hold open the door, don't cut in line, smile. You know. Save the animals, give blood. Stick up for your friends. But never, ever do anything for anyone else you don't want to - know your boundaries. Think about it, and be stubborn; let no one walk on you. You will regret it later, after you come to your senses. And  eventually, you will. If you're stressed, stop. Look at yourself - get rid of anything, anyone that slipped by you; and start fresh. Sometimes you will have to do that, exactly - it's hard, but when you know who you are, you're a magnet.

6. Believe in something. With no belief in anything, it gets tough, and you start to forget what you stand for. It can be energies. It can be karma. It can be God, or fortune cookies, or horoscopes, or aliens or your mom. Whatever it is, it will help you. Belief, Faith, it's important. Stay open minded.

7. Realize that everything has a consequense. Whether it be good or bad, it's there. Think of the butterfly effect...make big choices carefully, for it could completely change your life. But then again, don't stress too much over it. Spontaneity is just as important. Also, realize that you and only you are responsible for your actions - it's been repeated time and time again, but it needs to be said. When you're always pointing a finger, the people you're pointing at will take a step back. Soon enough, you'll be alone completely.

To be continued.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

we all have our vices.

i'm getting sicker and sicker, i can't concentrate on anything, i can't get work done, i feel so out of it...

i want to meet no one else, or everyone else in the world.
i haven't decided yet.

i'm in the process of writing a list of things i wish i knew when i was would have helped me so much. i'm going to mail it to my twelve year old cousin when i'm done with it, and with any luck, it will become her bible. with any luck, she'll be able to write one herself one day.

meanwhile though...i just hate everyone.

Saturday, October 3, 2009


Just because everything's changing doesn't mean it's never been this way before.

Lost Girls.

I had a dream once and everything was blue, i was walking through the early morning air and i didn't know where i was. I took a few steps and looked left, and in glowing movie-script letters a sign read You Are Not Lost You Are Here.

Halloween is by far my favorite holiday. Maybe it's a little absurd for me to be talking on the 3rd, but then again, i can't beat the department stores with the mistletoe out in mid-September. Everyone wants a chance to be someone they're not, if just for a night. If you could be anyone, who would you be? Maybe not a fairy princess or a pumpkin or a ninja, not me...but pulling on a mask for a while, it's what we wait for. That's the good part, forget the sugar and the pumpkins. I still don't know what i want to be for Halloween, who i want to be. I still don't know who i want to be.